EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Did you know Emotional Intelligence is actually superior to IQ!!!! Yeah, I was quite intrigued myself, all my life I was taught IQ was the peddle stone to a bright future. Well, as I have come to learn as I evolve this is not quite true. Therefore, I was really eager to finish this book because I knew it would really have a positive impact in my journey. Most of the insights are credited to Daniel Goleman Author of Emotional Intelligence.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

The brain is an organ that controls thought, memory, emotion and every process that regulates our body.

A part in the brain known as the Amygdala triggers an emotional response even before the cortical centers have fully understood what is happening. While the amygdala is at work in priming an anxious, impulsive reaction, another part of the emotional brain allows for a more fitting, corrective response. The connections between the amygdala and the neocortex are the hun of battles between the head and the heart.

Okay lets leave the science stuff and get to the real deal. Yeah!!!!!! I thought so too.

How we do in life is determined by both IQ and EI. However, both have a different impact on our life. IQ mainly is attributed to Academic Intelligence. For instance, doing well in IQ is a direct predictor of success in the classroom or professor but less in life's path diverged from academia. A study by Dr. Antonio Damasio, a neurologist at University of Iowa College of Medicine found out after his study that one can have high IQ but have deficits in other aspects that lead to academic failure, criminality. Despite intact intelligence they make disastrous decisions in business and personal lives and can endlessly obsess over a decision so simple as when to make an appointment. A different kind of intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is all about being able to handle frustrations, control emotions whether happy or sad and finally how to get along with other people. Academic intelligence offers virtually no preparation for turmoil or opportunities life brings. Yet even with high IQ there's no guarantee of prosperity, happiness in life. Our culture fixate on academic abilities ignoring emotional intelligence what some can call character that really matters in our personal destiny. In todays world no intelligence is more important than interpersonal. If you don't have it you'll make poor choices about who to marry, what job to take and so on.

WE CAN LOOK AT SOME OF HIGHLY DETRIMENTAL EMOTIONS AND SEE HOW TO COPE WITH THEM

ANGER One emotion that tend to overwhelm us is ANGER among many others. We've had numerous killings of late; for example, Lovers killing each other has been on the rise. Therefore in such scenarios: for instance in an argument getting away from the other person for a time being would be the first action to be considered. Go for a walk, do some exercises, relaxation tendencies ie) deep breathing and muscle relaxation. This helps the body change from high arousal of anger to low arousal state. Other types of distractions would include,, watching tv, reading.

However time out may not work if its used to think about the anger inducing thought. Also treats such as shopping and eating may not have much effect since it will be too easy to continue with the same train of thought. WORRY In the case of worry two things to do is mindfulness and healthy skepticism. Catch the worrisome episodes at the beginning and take a critical stand towards the assumptions.

SADNESS Sadness- Bereavement in life is useful to some extent but full blown depression is not. The most popular tactic for battling this is socializing with friends and family. However, it works only if the net effect is to get the persons mind off the sadness but if they use the occasion to mull over what put them in sadness will just prolong the mood. In short worrying about what's depressing us makes it more intense and prolonged. SITUATIONS TO APPLY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Every instance of our lives require emotional Intelligence. However, there are some crucial areas where it may yield more positive results.

WORK AND ROMANTIC RELATIONS

In the case of Criticism; both in relationships and work. Remember to give artful critique. Focus on what the person has done rather than attack his or her character. For example if your significant other has wronged you, focus on the wrong they has done rather than attacking their character. For example is someone complains about a situation, identify the root cause and try and solve rather than calling the other person a complainer. In a work situation, as a boss one should not call someone stupid or incompetent, Instead explain what was done poorly and give ways to improve. When people believe that their failure are due to to some deficit in themselves they lose hope and stop trying. And to those receiving criticism see it as valuable information to do better not as a personal attack. Watch for the impulse of defensiveness instead of taking responsibility. If it gets too upsetting leave, cool down absorb and resume.

HEALTH

Did you know most diseases are all in the head. Having a positive mindset can actually healing easier and faster. In a 1993 review in the Archives of Internal Medicine of extensive research on the stress- disease link, Yale psychologist Bruce McEwn noted a broad spectrum of effects; compromising immune function to the point that it can speed the mestasis of cancer, diabetes, ulcers among many others: increasing vulnerability to viral infections among many others ie blood clotting. There are medical benefits of positive feelings,,, depression impede medical recovery and heighten the risk of death especially with severe conditions while the opposite, positive emotions are curative. That laughter that happiness alone can turn the course of a serious disease. Another study found that more than half the patients being treated at a clinic for cocaine addiction would have been diagnosed with severe depression before they started their habit, and the deeper the preceding depression, the stronger the habit.

HOW TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE A family life is out first school for emotional learning. How parents treat their children with either harsh discipline or empathic understanding or how they behave with each other has a deep and lasting consequence on the child's emotional life.

However, this is something one can learn as you become an adult.

Emotional skills include;

Self awareness

Identifying, expressing and managing feelings:

Impulse control and delaying gratification and handling stress and anxiety.

A key ability in impulse control is knowing the difference between feelings and actions. Thereafter, learn to make better emotional decisions by first controlling the impulse to act, then identify alternative actions and their consequences before acting. However, no single kind of intervention, including one targeting emotions can claim to do the whole job. But the degree of emotional deficit adds to the risk.

Questions to ask yourself once face with a situation that requires your Emotional Integrity SOCS- Situation, Options, Consequences, Solutions. What the situation is and how does it make you feel? Think about your options for solving the problem. What their consequences might be? Pick a solution and execute it. IN A NUTSHELL THESE ARE THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE MAIN DOMAINS

1. Know and understand ones self emotions and mood -Figure out what situations make you sad, happy. tired etc.

2. Learn how to manage your emotions- Once you have figures out you triggers, determine how an individual you are able to cope with them. Is it walking away, doing some activities as mentioned earlier?

3. Discover ways to motivate oneself.

Did you know being able to motivate and guide oneself, whether in doing homework, finishing a job, getting up in the morning. As we have seen, the ability to defer gratification and to control and channel ones urges to act is a basic emotional skill.

That is all I had for this piece. It was quite an interesting read and hope its beneficial to you too.

Enjoy

Irene Nganga