THIEF OF JOY

Am I back or just bored? Writing your thoughts on paper is quite an uphill battle; you have all the ideas but synchronizing them on paper becomes quite the task. However, I do in fact enjoy writing especially if it’s something am passionate about.

Enough about the ranting. Am here and that’s all that matters. Right, YEEEEEEEYYYYY am excited.

A lot of conversations go on among people. People discussing careers, spouses, life, wealth etc. name them all. I have them too; with my friends, family, colleagues even strangers. Most of the time though we, I are always complaining. Why again are we complaining? Because things aren’t progressing as we like. However, this is life; sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, therefore, we just have to ride with the wave that comes especially if you feel you have done everything accordingly.

However, I want to talk of something else that comes up in most of these conversations. COMPARISON. I don’t know about you but I do know about me and I do compare a lot, especially in this Instagram Era. I would like to know if we are in the same boat or I might just be from Mars. Looking forward from your feedback.

I have had numerous conversations and most of the time we are always comparing our lives with others. In all aspects of life; career, marriage, wealth. I always feel like I am always talking of career and marriage. Is that there’s all to life? I wonder? Do I break it down? Alright, here we go. You have a promising career but because someone you grew up/schooled with is doing better makes you feel like a failure. Your spouse gets you flowers for valentines and chocolates the norm lol, but complains because your boyfriends friend got her a car. You increase your wealth from last year and can now afford a CRV 6 but now you aren’t satisfied because you see Milly wa Jesus has a range; I just had to. LOL.

Your body isn’t enough, wardrobe isn’t trendy enough, your house isn’t boogie enough and it goes on and on and on… I know now you get where am going with this. However, there is a biological reason why people compare themselves to others. The brain uses comparison to figure out how we measure up to others. This calculation is done in a split second that we don’t often recognize. But dwelling on the highlights of other people’s life can quickly turn to become toxic. What does comparison do it steals our joy, focus, peace, confidence and mental health in general.

Some vulnerability; cause this is what makes me authentic. Numerous are the times I share with my friends and now sharing to the world how this journey has been. I am aware of this negative trait. Many are the times I have fought to be comfortable in my space. My friends know me well, I will lie to avoid a meetup just because I want to stay in my own cocoon. Not once, or twice but numerous. I love being alone, catch me watching a movie, eating whatever, and just not care what’s going on outside of my small space. However, society has made me feel that by choosing this life it makes me seem less aggressive, not being a go getter etc. Why would I be just be doing the basic while the world is making billions? It seems that the complete opposite of who I am is the kind of person that is desired by parents, spouses and the world at large.

Well, well don’t get me wrong this doesn’t mean that you don’t have goals for the future, or aren’t working to better yourself. It just means developing peace about your life, sincere enjoyment about what you have today without basing all your happiness on what you could have achieved or what you’ll achieve tomorrow. May I remind you with all his wealth we said goodbye to Kirubi. To say the truth at this moment in my life am just praying for good health forever.

Anyway enough about me. How can we beat this monster. I have gathered some insights on how to and maybe you can share too.

Practice gratitude.

EVERY little achievement, task, lets learn to say thank you. Whether I get a 1000 out of a deal and a friend gets 1M out of the same deal. Just learn to say thank you for the little or much you have. Gratitude mostly leads to contentment which is really crucial in this journey. Contentment allows us to stay in a state of joy no matter what our circumstances.

If we have to compare, can we just compare with thyself instead of others.

Am I where I was yesterday, one week ago, a month an year etc. Look at how you’ve progressed over the years. If you don’t like it do something about it but don’t break your back. And if you like your progress continue with your principles and probably strive for more. You don’t have to do what everyone is doing just focus on your journey.

Celebrate others.

Having a kind heart is really something underrated. In the world we are living; kind people are taken for granted or seem not to go far cause people just constantly abuse them. I am a believer in just being kind. It doesn’t cost you anything. Your friends success should be cheered on rather than be seen as comparison or competition. In my case, I am always happy cause it reminds me where we have come from and reminds me that it is actually possible. Getting the dream job, getting a good spouse and this again should only defined by you. What does a dream job look like for you, what does a perfect body entail for you, what does a good spouse look like for you. I think you gerrit…..

Having a don’t care attitude.

I know I know in high school you would have been whooped if you had this kind of attitude. However, I think its one of the most fulfilling traits one can have ;to deal with such issues/toxic traits. Do your thing and don’t care what the world likes as long as its for the good of all human kind. Anyway, one wouldn’t worry so much what others think of you if you realized how rarely they do of you.

Wait a minute, before I write a novel don’t want you guys to get bored. This is it for now, haven’t exhausted it all but I do hope this helps one individual other than me. Before am done just got one question. To the persons you compare yourself with. Do you think they have it all? Are they happy? At peace or are they just like the old you comparing themselves with others too. Old you, because I hope we will try do better. For the sake of our mental health to say the least. LETS SAY NO TO COMPARISON.

Lets see if you got here to the end. What are some of the things you have had to unlearn now that you are grown? To be featured as my next topic. Do share some. See you next time.

Thankyou.

Irene Nganga